Six Ways to Free Yourself from Domestic Abuse

In the human world one of the most common crimes is also one of the most underreported ones. Domestic Abuse. Primarily associated with partner crimes and violence against women and children, domestic abuse is common in almost every nation of the world as a gender liked crime, although sometimes men claim to be victims too.

Most of the times cultural norms and family expectations force people to be mute witnesses and victims, having little or no way to escape once in a domestically abusive family situation. So how does one free oneself from the dramas:

  1. Being Aware: In schools and colleges we learn a lot of things but not always those things that matter. We are infact abused and controlled throughout our schoolage by parents, teachers and relatives and for most of our lives we remain unaware of the fact that we have been abused. For example control and coercion is not always recognised as abuse although it is fairly common. We are taught about academic subjects that help us join the workforce and contribute to the economy and not necessarily those things that help us evolve into better humans, such as self respect, respect to others, consensual sex, sexual and reproductive freedom, human rights and child rights. We all need to complete basic education and courses such as The Freedom Program. Learn about all aspects of domestic abuse, its signs and symptoms such as economic abuse, financial control, dowry, forced marriage, mental harassment, sexual control and coercion, physical violence, emotional abuse, blackmailing, threatening, turning children against you, revenge through cross allegations made once you report crimes, blaming, denial and minimising abuse, lack of empathy and physical or mental control.
  2. Learn about Laws: Laws concerning gender, crimes, domestic abuse and marital rape differ from nation to nation. In some countries such as India marital rape is still not illegal. On some countries such as those in middle east, women are punished for simply refusing to cover up their body or face or flogged. Hence the laws themselves abuse women and control them in ghastly ways. Depending on the country you live in you can decide to educate yourself of the laws and if they are regressive you can find ways to leave the country through higher education and start new chapter or find support in gaining some independence. Activism and joining movements to liberate other victims like you can help create social change. Human laws are impermanent and can be altered to evolve with times. Writing to government agencies and ministries and signing petitions can also help in initiating change through advocacy.
  3. Be Independent: Financially and emotionally women and taught to have a man in their life and get married in many cultures. These are the same cultures that value childbirth and use women for reproduction and as sexual slaves or domestic workers within marriage. Household chores, childminding and sex are the roles attributed to women in these societies where marriage is highly respectable and being a mother is seen as the highest role for a woman, especially producing a male child. It is time to shun such conventions. If marital rape and domestic abuse are norms in your country then it is advisable not to get married in such a culture or with a man from this kind of an upbringing and to focus on career or personal and sexual freedom. Women more often than men are not always interested in sexual subjugation and physical relationships, and value deeply emotional connections instead of sexual ones. In human world, unlike rest of nature women have considerable bleeding in periods and PMS although other species have very little or no bleeding. We are also forced to mate more often than needed as per our once a month ovulation cycles would normally permit and to continue being sexually active even after menopause. This is because of the ‘matrix’ brainwashing women through media to be sexual beings in service of men who control them making them feel stressed, feel less in power of their inner self and disconnected from nature.
  4. Spirituality: It might seem off the topic but having an interest in spiritual rather than physical, material and sexual aspects of life can be very liberating from a karmic perspective. Being engrossed in relationship entanglements, family dramas, property battles and children will not allow us to meditate and develop our ascended powers. New age, occult and tantric ideologies sometimes confuse us to follow a ‘balanced’ path of material, spiritual, sexual and sensual enjoyment as a part of new age spirituality. This is simply another trap in the matrix that wants to control us and keep us entangled in daily life maya. The path of ascetic spirituality is a celibate path and not one of sensual temptation that is simply the matrix controlling us and creating illusions in the hologram through five senses. Once we are domesticated it becomes very difficult to seek liberation from the matrix as we are continually forced to earn money, follow conventional lifestyles and live for our children who are forced to grow up in the same system of the matrix as we did instead of learing off the grid, spiritual and eco-conscious ways of life.
  5. Visualise and Manifest: Your mind creates your own illusion of life and by thinking and visualising a certain situation you put energy and intention into it. However you also need to clear and cleanse the negative programs in the background, in your chakras and in your inner energy field where your memories, emotions and karmic baggage is stored. Very important is to get rid of the false ideologies that keep you engrossed in victimhood, ideas about ‘being compassionate towards abusers’, ‘accepting people and continue being with them’, ‘making peace with your circumstances and accepting the way things are as unchangeable’, ‘trying to meditate and stay calm if someone is abusing you’, ‘being vulnerable’, ‘allowing people to be themselves around you and do as they will even if they harm you or others’, ‘showing your other cheek’, ‘forgive and forget’, ‘unconditional love of others and not yourself’, ‘giving not receiving’, ‘visualising that others have changed instead of visualising a change in your situation’ and so on. These false beliefs do not serve us.
  6. Establish evidence: Domestic abuse agencies, police, social workers, media articles as well as training programs will always encourage you to report crimes and ‘come out with it’. This is sadly not something that always results in your being supported as a ‘victim’ once you report the crimes. The police and courts will want evidence of crimes and this is not just your reports or that of your children who are witness or victims. The law demands third party witnesses who have directly seen crimes and recorded evidence in most cases that are very difficult to obtain because they happen behind closed doors. If you just run away after reporting domestic abuse or rape, you are liable to suffer the hardships of legal battles over child custody and property later on unless you reach an out of court settlement with the abuser which is impossible if they are of unreasonable behavior and selfish as may be their family members. Hence in many cases you need to collect photographs of injuries or use spy cameras wherever possible and also talk to neighbours, medical professionals and family friends so that they can report incidents overheard or seen by them promptly as soon as they take place else the same will not be accepted if delayed by a long period of time. If there is no evidence the only way to be free yourself is to remove yourself from the unhealthy relationship where you can never be found again by the culprit and change your identity which is not always possible if you are a public person or have an established business or career and not enough support in moving away. Even if you do go to a refuge or take support of relatives, you still risk the prospect of stalking and harassment once abusers try to find your whereabouts using law, especially if you have a child they have parental responsibility of.

Here are some modern technologies that can assist you in evidencing this heinous crime and being free from a legal and long term perspective which can help limitedly based on the laws of your land.

12 Warning Signs of An Unhealthy Relationship

We all love the concept of love. While it is rare to find a perfect relationships and we all make peace with a few imperfections along the way there are some very clear warning signs that tell us to stop and think about where we are going. We cannot manifest a healthy and happy planet, if we are entangled in partnerships that drain us out. Here are a few red signals to be mindful of:

  1. That Unsure Feeling: When we meet someone new and logic tells us they are nice whether in terms of appearance, presentation, their mood or behavior, there might be secrets untold that your psychic powers already have full knowledge about. Most of us are not completely in touch with our inert sixth sense however, and we go largely by outer appearances that are deceptive. Try to take a few deep breaths and close your eyes, looking within yourself, and breathe in and out of your heart. If the relationship is a romantic one, try to ignore what your sexual impulses are telling you for a while, and focus purely on your inner self. If your heart feels unsure, in any way, or your mind worries about this person and his or her impact in your life, do not get ahead of yourself and decide that you will handle problems when they appear, or try to ‘think’ positive when things clearly are not. Try to honour the whispers of your heart and the signals your sixth sense is picking up. You will probabally hear your intuition talk to you from inside giving your clarity.
  2. Body Language and Facial Expressions: Do they care about you? Are they listening? Do they feel comfortable in your presence in actuality? Regardless of what people say, what they think or feel may be hidden inside them. Using our perceptions we can often figure out when someone is pretending to be nice to us or being outwardly pleasant, while actually not really having any connection to us. Some people might be interested only in using us for what they need, but actually do not really like us or care about us. A relationship with them will be empty and meaningless, although socially acceptable. Look at their eyes – if they narrow their eyes, tilt their head away to their right, purse their mouth or flicker their lips one one side or both, they might want to be congenial but actually disdain you. Those who really share positive feelings with you will make positive eye contact, tilt their head forward, smile with their eyes, and it will become clear that they are genuinely happy to spend time with you, and you will enjoy your time with them.
  3. They Do Not take NO for an answer: Some people are so self-centered that they want you to only do as they say, or cater to their wishes. Many of these are energetic or emotional vampires, who want to drain you out. Any interaction with them, no matter how pleasant you aim it to be, will ultimately become like a battle of wills. Romance and sex with such people is an absolute ‘no’ simply because they will always want to be in ‘control’ of your mind and not just your body. They will guilt you into thinking that something is wrong with you if at any point of time you want a break from them, or are not interested in being with them. Sometimes people think that those who pursue them might be passionate and seriously committed as they are not taking no for an answer, but soon you will realize that their passion and committment is only to their own needs. They take relationships as a conquest and always need someone they can control to be in their life and it can be nothing but devastating to your entire life if you fall for the trap.
  4. Canniving Nature: While intelligence is a good personality trait, it is not always a sign that the person is of a kind or caring disposition. While kindness shows in feelings of warmth and relaxation, those who are cunning have their own attitudes that reflect in the way they speak or interact. You might catch them thinking or planning something when you were supposed to be looking away, as if they are ‘upto something’. They might be overly interested in politics, and even science, to the point that they do not usually follow their heart. They might be mindful but not able to be ‘heartfelt’. Their interests in life may be varied and multi-dimensional, however they may have difficulties being sensitive, emotional or empathetic to the needs of someone who needs their support or help. They will however get as much attention and sympathy to themselves when they need to, using a number of tactics and manipulations that ordinary people could never think of.
  5. Bad Habits: A person who is not interested in their own health and wellbeing, is very unlikely to be interested in contributing anything of value to your life or the planet. A big warning that someone is of a lower frequency and does not align with a positive vibrational set, is the presence of negative habits or addictions. If a pack of cigarattes that clearly states that it is injurious to health, is still something they can never do without, it is unlikely they would ever care to say no to anything toxic whatsoever. Alchohol, drugs and other intoxicants are the more obvious danger signs that tell you to avoid being close to someone, the less obvious but important ones are addictions to gadgets, sex, money, power, consumerism, unhealthy food, pharmaceuticals, gambling, coffee, fashion or anything else that seems like a crutch. Instead look for signs of inner security and independence so that you can both focus upon manifesting a wholesome lifestyle.
  6. Punitive Behavior: Some people seem like they are sympathetic and concerned about you and your wellbeing, but they also glare, pout, stare you down or raise their eyebrows whenever they are in disapproval of something. They also might want to humble you, make you feel guilty, act condascending, use foul language or blame you although it is entirely their fault. They might treat you like a child at times even if you are at their level , and be of intimidating presence when they want you to obey them and resort to physical violence or threats towards the end. A puffed up chest or important self-expression is often used by them to impress upon you that you are their slave. Their tone in speaking can often be very curt and to the point when they need you to comply with their strict instructions. They could use pointed fingers and strong voice to make you do as they wish. You do not need that kind of person to make you feel small, insecure and incapable. Instead you need someone who relaxes you and makes you feel that you are trusted, worthy and capable.
  7. Money Mindedness: One of the clear signs that someone is not right, is the way they control money for their selfish purposes, while not being kind or generous to others in need. Have you ever felt that your gifts were not reciprocated, you have kept loaning small or large amounts that never came back your way, that people asked you to help them financially stating emergencies that were fake or that they wanted you to keep being generous while being stingy when it was their turn. Controlling of one’s finances by others is also a strange pattern in such relationships. People who criticize you for your spending habits, take over your financial decisions, intrude into your business matters or overstep their boundaries when it comes to joint finances, are also not good to have as partners in any sense. This is most important in marriage and close business partnerships where one partner begins to show signs of control and domination.
  8. Jealousy: Power sruggles are never a sign of unconditional love. Some people make everything about their ego and feel threatened by who you are, whether it be your looks, popularity, success or personal choices, they make everything a matter of their concern when clearly they should be minding their own business. Some people come into our life just to bring us down. Their low sense of self-worth is evident from the fact that if they see you doing well in any area of your life, they would try to find some faults with you, or lower your energy so that you feel humbled in comparison to them. When they see you doing well in any area of life, it makes them feel like they have to either be better than you in that department, or somehow take something away from your life so that you both could be at the same level. This is terrible as it becomes an overall loss and nobody gains anything whatsoever.
  9. Dishonesty: Sometimes due to being overly trusting, we take everything stated to us as a fact instead of being alert for signs that someone could be lying or cheating on us. Indeed some people are so deceptive that the way they speak seems to flatter or impress even the most intelligent people. Manipulation is a trait that is not that easy to decipher and people who get away with it, can use this feature of their personality to control the minds of everyone around them. One must therefore be warned of early signs of dishonesty, even if they seem to be ‘white lies’. Those who are habitual of lying will also hide things that are shameful in the early stages of a relationship. Their entire objective is to impress you and make you feel so positive that you will think you are indeed lucky to have these individuals in your life. On closer observation, you will find many secrets that they should have revealed if they were really open and honest at the beginning, and many more undercover.
  10. Sympathy Seeking: If you are someone who believes in the virtues of kindness, compassion and grace, you are certainly going to be praised for the same. At the same time you will also become the target of those who use your kind and forgiving nature to get away with terrible misdeeds. It may be a good idea to remember that we are here in this life, not to please other individuals but to learn how to create a better world from within. By encouraging others to remain unethical and to not face any consequences of their harmful actions we allow evil to continue. Those who lack basic ethics, expect compassion from others even if they hurt and harm others all the time, and they can pretend to cry, suffer and be in great pain just to make sure you do not leave them, or seek assistance from anyone else who might be able to help you in breaking free from their vicious control. If at anytime you stand up against injustice, or for your rights and that of others, they will guilt-trip you into letting them get their way.
  11. Lack of Empathy: Do you feel your friend or close companion does not really care about the planet, shows disregard for animal rights or has no interest in any real charity or cause, except themselves. People who lack empathy also lack vision or determinination to support others or to be of use to the world. These people are unfortunately very common. Every other person in the world would, for example, claim to be a kind person, but refuse to buy products that are not ‘cruelty free’ thereby indirectly contributing to the hurting of other creatures. For most of such people, their priorities are convenience, pleasure or their need to be in control of their decisions, so much so that they rarely care to think of how their decisions affect others or the planet as a whole. Morality and conscience are very hard concepts for some people to grasp as they strictly go by how they can ‘fit in’ along with the rest of the system, like robots or machines in the Matrix of human consciousness. They strive for outer or materialistic success but remain hollow from within.
  12. Blaming: A common trait of people who are negative, is that they refuse to take any cognizance of their actions and instead blame you for everything at every step of the way. They feel that offense is the best defense, and therefore when faced with any prospect of introspection and self-transformation, they bring the focus back to you, pointing out your mistakes instead. It becomes impossible to change anything in such a relationship, because the person is totally not ready for change, and instead will want you to change for them, or dance to their tunes. If you try to get any professional to help you, they will use even that opportunity to make you feel like the culprit, for example in cases of domestic violence and partner crimes…it is very common that the victim gets blamed and the abuser pretends to be the ‘real victim’. As a result numerous hours or years will be drained in your trying to justify that you are, infact not guilty.

In short, when it comes to dangerous relationships, just as in the case of illness, disease and climate-change ‘prevention is always better than cure.’

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